Conservative News & Commentary

Jun 23, 2012 — by: Finnious T. Fogbottom
Categories: Culture

Lake-of-the-woodsGuest article by Finnious T. Fogbottom

At least one of the Forest Service camp grounds at Lake of the Woods has been subjected to great “progress” since my last visit. The old yet stout bathrooms which were capable of accommodating several desperate campers simultaneously have been replaced by new and grand nature appeasing edifices.  Sadly though the men’s side now is now limited to one standing and one sitting opportunity and it has been reported to me by a reliable source that the girl side can now seat only two.

One wonders just how much it costs these days to demolish a perfectly good building, haul it away, then replace it with a larger one which accomplishes so much less.  To add injury to insult, I don’t really appreciate toilets that flush themselves (occasionally and at the wrong time), lights with a mind and switch of their own, erratically automatic micro drip water faucets and strange looking hand dryers which I neither understand or fully trust.  Why have space aged dryers when you can barely get your hands wet in the first place?

Then there is that both good and bad factoid. One can now see the new and expensive structure’s all-aglow second story height window from great distances: That’s good because you can find it easily in the dark.  Bad because that usually means someone else has found it first.  

Now I’m not one of those over vitamined tinfoil mad hatter Illuminati stalker types, yet I must say that I distinctly noticed a New World Odor arising from the woodsy vicinity of those new and governmentally removed and improved sites.  Believe me, that NWO is something that should be looked into very carefully by both the designers and financiers. They’d better watch their step though.

As a parting word to the wise, should you be wanting to get away from the paradoxical insanity of life only to find yourself in that neck of the Lake of the Woods, do make sure you have your Invasive Feces Permit handy.  You may need it.  Your life jacket and rescue whistle wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

From the near side of Imperfection,
Finnious T. Fogbottom

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