Conservative News & Commentary

May 16, 2013 — by: Finnious T. Fogbottom
Categories: Economics

GpsEvery cave could really use a top of the line GPS.  Just think how many of the now idle would be put to work if it became law that every cave in the USA be outfitted with a Global Positioning System.  Merely replacing the units damaged by moisture, falling rocks and critters would plunk billions upon billions of equipment and salary bucks into the economy.

Can you imagine the number of extremely well compensated, benefited and richly early retired employees it would take to negotiate the permitting and environmental impact obstacles alone?  The creation of even more stringent regulation barriers could potentially produce another 3, 000,000 or so insanely important positions.  That in turn would result in a huge increase in medical and mental health career opportunities as the demands upon our medical and mental treatment facilities attempting to treat all of the stress related regulation issues would be horrendous. Just think how many more straight jackets we would need!

We could then repurpose all of that oddly considered unnecessary hunting, commercial, industrial, farm and range land into domestic GPS assembly sites (parts made in China and assembled here).  It could all be green powered too.  Instead of fossil fuels we could move progressively forward by using bike pedals, sails, drum thumping, hard labor, ruby red slipper tapping friction fiction and related over optimistic silly thoughts.

Then by unionizing all aspects of production, installation, transportation and service activities the GPS economic “benefit” could be increased exponentially.  In a few years if things aren’t working as well as hoped for (because of uncompassionate gridlock) we could change the law to require two or more GPS units per cave.  One could even consider an even more liberal definition of just what a cave is.

All in all if we are unable to increase taxation upon the greedy to the point where all of this has an even chance to work and as a result we all (the survivors that is) end up living  in the equivalent of the Stone Age, at least we will know just where we are and where we are headed.  There may still be some disagreement though as to how we got there.

Maybe it’s no coincidence that my GPS always seems to be issuing a societal warning by saying something like, “At your earliest convenience turn around and take the first right”.



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